"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."

　　"Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."

　　"I am a rabid typist."

　　"Work History: Performed brain wave tests,1879-1981."

　　"After receiving advice from several different angels, I have decided to pursue a new line&nb sp;of work."

　　"Accounting cleric."

　　"Suspected to graduate early next year."

　　"Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."

　　"Proven ability to track down and correct erors."

　　"Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department."

　　"Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."

　　"Finished 8th in my high school graduating class of 10."

　　"I am relatively intelligent, obedient and loyal as a puppy."

　"My compensation should be at least equal to my age."

　　"Reason for Leaving: It had to do with the IRS, FBI and SEC."

　　"Fired because I fought for lower pay."

　　"Size of employer: Very tall, probably over 6’5" .

　　" "Please disregard the enclosed resume-it is terribly out of date."

　　"Reason for Leaving: My boss said the end of the world is near."