短篇英語(yǔ)笑話大全樂(lè)翻天

　　Who do you think you are?

　　The bus was crowded, and as one more man tried to get on, the passengers wouldn’t let him aboard.

　　“It is too crowded, “they shouted.” who do you think you are?”

　　“I am the driver.” he said.

　　你以為你是誰(shuí)?

　　公共汽車上很擠，當(dāng)又一個(gè)人還是試圖上車時(shí)，乘客們不讓他上。

　　“車上太擠了，”他們喊道，“你以為你是誰(shuí)?”

　　“我是司機(jī)!”他說(shuō)。

　　what do I get

　　Teacher: If I cut a beefsteak in half and then cut the half in half, what do I get?

　　Tommy: Quarters.

　　Teacher: And then if I cut it twice again?

　　Tommy: Hamburger.

　　老師：如果我把一塊牛排切成兩半的兩半，我能得到幾塊兒?

　　湯米：四塊。

　　老師：那我要是再切兩次，我能得到什么呢?

　　湯米：漢堡。

　　the ugliest baby

　　A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

　　一位女士抱著她的寶寶上公交車，司機(jī)看到后說(shuō)：“額，那是我這輩子見(jiàn)過(guò)的最丑的小孩。”

　　The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

　　女士走到車廂后面坐下，感到很憤怒。她對(duì)旁邊的男士說(shuō)：“司機(jī)剛剛羞辱了我。”男士回應(yīng)說(shuō)：“你快上去斥責(zé)他。去吧，我替你抱著你的猴子。”

　　health, excellent

　　The father was reading the school report which had just been handed to him by his hopeful son. His brow was wrathful(憤怒的) as he read

　　"English, poor. French, weak. mathematics, fair." and he gave a glance of disgust at the quaking lad(少年，小伙子).

　　"Well, Dad." said the son, "It is not as good as it might be, but have you seen that?" And he pointed1 to the next line which read, "health, excellent."

　　父親在看他那滿懷希望的兒子帶回來(lái)的學(xué)校成績(jī)單。他邊看邊露出憤怒的表情：“英語(yǔ)，差;法語(yǔ)，差;數(shù)學(xué)，中。”他厭惡地瞥了在發(fā)抖的兒子一眼。

　　“爸爸，”兒子說(shuō)，“可能成績(jī)不夠理想。但您看到那一項(xiàng)了嗎?”他指了指下一行：“健康狀況，優(yōu)。”

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