瘋狂英語(yǔ)笑話精選3篇

　　我為什么逃避手術(shù)

　　A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation.

　　一位男士在進(jìn)行手術(shù)前被發(fā)現(xiàn)正沿著醫(yī)院的大廳逃離。

　　"What's the matter?" he was asked.

　　“發(fā)生了什么?”有人問(wèn)他。

　　He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'"

　　男士回答道：“我聽(tīng)見(jiàn)護(hù)士說(shuō)，‘這只是一個(gè)簡(jiǎn)單的手術(shù)。不用擔(dān)心，我相信不會(huì)出問(wèn)題的。’”

　　"She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?"

　　“她這樣做是想讓你感到安心啊，有什么好害怕的?”

　　"She was talking to the damn doctor!"

　　“可她是在對(duì)那該死的手術(shù)醫(yī)生說(shuō)!”

　　The Cemetery Shortcut為抄近路走墓地

　　Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs.

　　萬(wàn)圣節(jié)派對(duì)過(guò)后，兩男人圖個(gè)樂(lè)呵，打算抄近路穿過(guò)墓地回家。

　　Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.

　　走到墓地中央時(shí)，他們被從迷霧中傳來(lái)的“答、答、答”聲驚嚇到了。

　　Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

　　正當(dāng)兩人害怕得渾身顫抖時(shí)，他們看到是個(gè)老頭拿著鐵錘和鑿子，在一塊墓石上鑿著什么。

　　"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"

　　“哇塞，先生，”其中一人喘了口氣說(shuō)，“你把我們嚇得半死啊，我們還以為遇上鬼了呢!那么晚了你在這里做什么?”

　　"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"

　　“那幫白癡!”老頭抱怨道，“他們把我名字拼錯(cuò)啦!”

　　保證沒(méi)走錯(cuò)To be on the Safe Side

　　In a cinema during a performance one of the audience gets up, makes his way along the row of seats and goes out into the foyer.

　　在一家電影院里，一名觀眾在演出期間站了起來(lái)，沿著他那排位子走到休息室去了。

　　A few minutes later he returns and asks the man sitting at the head of the row:

　　幾分鐘后，他回到那排位子并問(wèn)坐在首位的`那位男士道：

　　"Excuse me, was it your foot I stepped on when I was going out a moment ago?"

　　“對(duì)不起，請(qǐng)問(wèn)我剛才出去的時(shí)候是踩著你的腳嗎?”

　　"Yes, but it doesn't really matter. It didn't hurt at all."

　　“是的，不過(guò)沒(méi)什么關(guān)系，一點(diǎn)也不疼。”

　　"Oh, no, it isn't that. I only want to make sure that this is my row."

　　“噢，不，我不是這個(gè)意思。我只是想確認(rèn)一下這是不是我的那排位子。”

　　傳教士買鸚鵡A preacher is buying a parrot

　　A preacher is buying a parrot.

　　一個(gè)傳教士在買鸚鵡。

　　"Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher.

　　“你確信它不會(huì)尖叫，大叫或詛咒別人嗎?”傳教士問(wèn)。

　　"Oh absolutely. He's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him.

　　“噢，絕對(duì)不會(huì)。它是一只虔誠(chéng)的鸚鵡。”店主向他保證。

　　"Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm."

　　“你看見(jiàn)它腿上的那些細(xì)繩了嗎?當(dāng)你拉動(dòng)右邊這根，它會(huì)背誦天主經(jīng);當(dāng)你拉動(dòng)左邊那根，它會(huì)背誦贊美詩(shī)。”

　　"Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?"

　　“太棒了!”傳教士說(shuō)，“但是如果我同時(shí)拉動(dòng)兩根繩子，會(huì)發(fā)生什么呢?”

　　"I fall off my perch, you stupid fool!" screeched the parrot.

　　“我會(huì)從樹(shù)干上掉下去，你這個(gè)笨蛋!”鸚鵡尖聲說(shuō)道。

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