學(xué)生英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)大全
An Exceptional Phenomenon(罕見(jiàn))
4-year-old Begin and his cousin scrambled (攀爬，爭(zhēng)搶) for toys. His mum told him: “ You are older brother because you’re older than your (cousin) sister. You should give ground to her. ” Begin thought a little but maintained(堅(jiān)持) : “ My sister must give ground to me when she grows older than I.” His uncle around overheard and said : “Such a thing hardly occurs.”
四歲的貝京和小妹妹爭(zhēng)玩具。媽媽對(duì)他說(shuō)：“你大，你是哥哥，要讓著小妹妹點(diǎn)兒。” 貝京想了想，堅(jiān)持說(shuō)：“等妹妹長(zhǎng)得比我大了，她也得讓著我。”姨夫在一旁聽(tīng)了說(shuō)：“這種情況相當(dāng)罕見(jiàn)。
新生兒
The New Baby Mr.and Mrs.Taylor had a seven year old boy named Pat.Now Mrs.Taylor was expecting another child. Pat had seen babies in other people's houses and had not liked them very much，so he was not delighted about the news that there was soon going to be one in his house too. One evening Mr.and Mrs.Taylor were making plans for the baby's arrival.“This house won't be big enough for us all when the baby comes，”said Mr.Taylor. Pat came into the room just then and said，“What are you talking about?”“We were saying that we'll have to move to an other house now，because the new baby's coming，”his mother answered. “ It's no use，”said Pat hopelessly.“ He'll follow us there.”
泰勒夫婦有一個(gè)七歲的男孩，名叫帕特�，F(xiàn)在泰勒太太正懷著第二胎。 帕特在別人家看見(jiàn)過(guò)嬰兒，他不太喜歡他們，所以他對(duì)自己家里也將有一個(gè)嬰兒的消息感到不滿(mǎn)。 一天晚上，泰勒夫婦正在為這個(gè)嬰兒的降生計(jì)劃做安排。泰勒先生說(shuō)：“有了嬰兒，我們的房子就太小，不夠住了。” 帕特恰好在這個(gè)時(shí)候走進(jìn)屋，他問(wèn)：“你們?cè)谡f(shuō)什么?”他的母親回答說(shuō)：“我們?cè)谡f(shuō)我們現(xiàn)在得搬家，因?yàn)閶雰壕鸵Q生了。” “那沒(méi)用，”帕特絕望地說(shuō)。“他會(huì)跟我們到那兒去的。”
超速的司機(jī)A Speeding Motorist
A highway patrol officer stopped a speeding motorist. "Don't you know what the blinking lights and siren mean?" he demanded.
"Yes, sir," replied the driver.
"Then why didn't you pull over immediately?"
"I would have, officer, " the man said. "But last month my wife ran off with a policeman, and I was afraid you were bringing her back.
一位公路巡警截住了一個(gè)超速司機(jī)。“難道你不知道閃爍燈和警笛的意思嗎?”他責(zé)問(wèn)道。
“知道，長(zhǎng)官，”司機(jī)回答說(shuō)。
“那你為什么不立即靠邊停車(chē)?”
“我本來(lái)想這樣做的，長(zhǎng)官。”那男子回答說(shuō)，“但上個(gè)月我妻子和一位警察私奔了，我是害怕你把她帶回來(lái)。”
sells the candy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly.
"Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢(qián)。
“昨天給你的錢(qián)干什么了?”
“我給了一個(gè)可憐的老太婆，”他回答說(shuō)。
“你真是個(gè)好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說(shuō)。
“再給你兩分錢(qián)�？赡銥槭裁磳�(duì)那位老太太那么感興趣呢?”
“她是個(gè)賣(mài)糖果的。”
汪汪叫的妻子
A man who had been married for ten years was consulting a marriage counselor. “When I was first married，I was very happy. I'd come home from a hard day down at the shop，and my little dog would race around barking，and my wife would bring me my slippers.Now everything's changed.When I come home，my dog brings me my slippers，and my wife barks at me.” “I don't know what you're complaining about，”said the counselor.“You're still getting the same service.”
一個(gè)結(jié)婚十年的男人正在請(qǐng)教一位婚姻顧問(wèn)。“剛結(jié)婚那會(huì)兒，我非常幸福。我在店里勞累一天回到家，我的`小狗會(huì)繞著我跑，汪汪叫，而我的妻子給我拿來(lái)拖鞋。現(xiàn)在一切都變了。我回到家里，我的狗給我拿來(lái)拖鞋，我的妻子對(duì)著我汪汪叫。” “我不知道你在抱怨什么，”婚姻顧問(wèn)說(shuō)。“你得到的服務(wù)還是一樣的呀。”
訓(xùn)練記住詩(shī)人的名字
The Name of a PoetOur teacher was telling us about a new system of memory training being used in some schools today. “It works like this，” she said.“Suppose you wanted tore member the name of a poet—Robert Burns，for instance.”She told us to think of him as Bobby Burns.“Now get in your head a picture of a London policeman，a bobby in flames.See?Bobby Burns!” “I see what you mean，” said the class know it all.“But how can you tell that it's Not Robert Browning?”
我們的老師正在給我們介紹現(xiàn)在某些學(xué)校使用的一種新的記憶訓(xùn)練系統(tǒng)。“這個(gè)系統(tǒng)是這樣的，”她說(shuō)。“假定你要記住一個(gè)詩(shī)人的名字——例如，要記住羅伯特·彭斯的名字。”她告訴我們把他當(dāng)作博比·彭斯。“讓你的腦海里閃現(xiàn)出一個(gè)倫敦警察的形象，燃燒著的警察。明白嗎?警察燃燒!” “我明白你的意思，”班上的萬(wàn)事通說(shuō)。“但是你怎么能說(shuō)那就不是羅伯特·布朗寧呢?”
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