短篇英語(yǔ)笑話精選
Excited Remarks 激動(dòng)的話
Our son, at age of five, had a fascination for motorcycles. The sight of one would always bring forth squeals(長(zhǎng)聲尖叫) of delight, accompanied by excited remarks of Look at that! Look at that! I'm going to have one of those someday, his dad's response always was Not as long as I'm alive.
One day, while our son was talking to a little friend, a motorcycle passed by. He excitedly pointed it out to the boy and exclaimed, Look at that! Look at that! I'm getting one of those as soon as my dad dies.
我五歲的兒子對(duì)摩托車(chē)有強(qiáng)烈的愛(ài)好。只要看見(jiàn)一輛摩托車(chē)，他就會(huì)高興得哇哇直叫，并激動(dòng)地說(shuō)：瞧這輛!瞧這輛，我總有一天也要有一輛。他爸爸的回答老是只要我活著，你就別想有這玩藝兒。
一天我們的兒子跟他的小朋友在說(shuō)話，有一輛摩托車(chē)開(kāi)了過(guò)去。他興奮的指著摩托車(chē)叫道瞧這輛!瞧這輛!等我爸一死我就要有這樣一輛摩托車(chē)了。
Logic Reasoning 邏輯推理
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.
Here is the situation, she said. A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help.
His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?
A girl raised her hand and asked, to draw out all of his savings?
小學(xué)四年級(jí)的教師正在給學(xué)生們上一堂邏輯課。她舉了這么一個(gè)例子：有這樣一種情況，一個(gè)男人在河中心的.船上釣魚(yú)，突然失去重心掉進(jìn)了水里。于是他開(kāi)始掙扎并喊救命。
他的妻子聽(tīng)到了他的喊聲，知道他并不會(huì)游泳，所以她就急忙跑向河岸。誰(shuí)能告訴我這是為什么? 一個(gè)女生舉手答道，是不是去取他的存款?
Whose father was the stronger
Will and Bill were quarrelling about whose father was the stronger.
Will said, "Well, you know the Pacific Ocean ? My father's the one who dug the hole for it."
Bill wasn't impressed, "Well, that's nothing. You know the Dead Sea ? My father's the one who killed it!"
維爾和比爾在爭(zhēng)吵，誰(shuí)的爸爸是更強(qiáng)壯的一個(gè)。維爾說(shuō)：“你知道太平洋嗎?那個(gè)坑是我爸爸挖的。”
比爾不屑地說(shuō)：“那沒(méi)什么。你知道死海嗎? 那是我爸爸打死的。”
How much English can you speak?
"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to
be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his
way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English."
The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"
The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"
"法官先生，我的當(dāng)事人被指控偷竊，這是多么不公正啊。他一周前才來(lái)到紐約，幾乎不認(rèn)路。
而且，他只會(huì)說(shuō)幾個(gè)英語(yǔ)單詞。"
法官看了看被告，問(wèn)道："你會(huì)說(shuō)多少英文?"
被告抬起頭，說(shuō)："把你的錢(qián)包給我!"
He Won 他贏了
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
湯姆：約翰尼，你小弟弟好嗎?
約翰尼：他害病臥床了。他受了傷。
湯姆：真糟糕，怎么回事兒?
約翰尼：我們做游戲，看誰(shuí)能把身子探出窗外最遠(yuǎn)，他贏了。
Three pastors 三個(gè)牧師
Three pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, You know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft(閣樓) and attic at church. I’ve tried everything----noise, spray, cats----nothing seems to scare them away.
Another said, Yes, me too. I’ve got hundreds living in my belfry(鐘樓) and in the attic. I’ve been had the place fumigated(熏制) , and they still won’t go away.
The third said, I baptized(洗禮) all mine, and made them members of the church...haven’t seen one back since!
三個(gè)南部的牧師在一家小餐館里吃午飯。其中的一個(gè)說(shuō)道：“你們知道嗎，自從夏天來(lái)臨，我的教堂的閣樓和頂樓就被蝙蝠騷擾，我用盡了一切辦法----噪音、噴霧、貓----似乎什么都不能把它們趕走。”
另外一位說(shuō)：“是啊，我也是。在我的鐘樓和閣樓也有好幾百只。我曾經(jīng)請(qǐng)人把整個(gè)地方用煙熏消毒一遍，它們還是趕不走。”
第三個(gè)牧師說(shuō)：“我為我那里的所有蝙蝠洗禮，讓它們成為教會(huì)的一員......從此一只也沒(méi)有再回來(lái)過(guò)。”
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