詼諧幽默極品英語(yǔ)笑話

　　他什么都沒(méi)聽(tīng)到

　　Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. My husband was in all morning. He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel. "Oh, good," she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages." "What is it?" I asked. "My husband's new hearing aid."

　　我在郵局上班，對(duì)于顧客們的各種情緒早已習(xí)以為常了。所以，有一天當(dāng)一個(gè)生氣的顧客氣沖沖地來(lái)到我的'工作臺(tái)時(shí)，我還是非常平靜地問(wèn)她，“有什么問(wèn)題嗎?”“我早上上街了，”女顧客說(shuō)，“我回到家的時(shí)候，我看到一個(gè)卡片，卡片說(shuō)郵遞員要給我們家送包裹，但沒(méi)人在家�？墒俏业恼煞蛘麄�(gè)早上都在家啊。他說(shuō)他什么都沒(méi)聽(tīng)到”。在表示了歉意之后，我把包裹給了她。“噢，太好了”，那位女顧客喜形于色。“我們等這東西都等多少年了!”“是什么好東西?”我問(wèn)。“我丈夫的新助聽(tīng)器”。

　　風(fēng)采依舊

　　Chaucer was over seventy, but he was not convinced of his age.

　　At a time he boasted: "My physical strength is as strong as that I was young."

　　The opposite person asked: "What do you rely on?"

　　Chaucer said: "There is a big stone roller in my compound. I couldn't heave it when was young, neither can I now."

　　喬叟年過(guò)六旬，仍不服老。

　　一次，他對(duì)人夸耀說(shuō)：“我和年輕時(shí)力氣一樣大。”

　　對(duì)方問(wèn)：“何以見(jiàn)得?”

　　喬叟說(shuō)：“我家大院里有個(gè)碌碡，年輕時(shí)我舉不起來(lái)，現(xiàn)在我還是舉不起來(lái)。”

　　我是全國(guó)最大的說(shuō)謊者

　　Stranger: Catch any fish?

　　Fisherman: Did I! I took forty out of this stream this morning.

　　Stranger: Know who I am? I'm the game warden.

　　Fisherman: Know who I am? I'm the biggest liar in the state.

　　陌生人：釣到魚(yú)了嗎?

　　釣魚(yú)者：我是誰(shuí)?一早晨我就在這條小溪釣到了40多條魚(yú)呢。

　　陌生人：你知道我是誰(shuí)嗎?我是這里的漁獵執(zhí)行官。

　　釣魚(yú)者：那你知道我是誰(shuí)嗎?我是全國(guó)最大的說(shuō)謊者。

　　她要買(mǎi)什么

　　A store manager heard a clerk tell a customer. No, ma’am, we haven't had any for a while, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting soon.Horrified, the manager came runningover to the customer and said, Of course, we'll have somesoon, We placed an order last week. Then the manager drew the clerk aside: Never, never, never say we are out of anything say we've got it on order and it's coming.Now what was it she wanted? Rain, said the clerk.

　　一個(gè)商店經(jīng)理聽(tīng)見(jiàn)一個(gè)店員對(duì)顧客說(shuō)：不，夫人，這會(huì)兒沒(méi)有，一時(shí)半會(huì)兒看來(lái)也不會(huì)有。經(jīng)理驚恐萬(wàn)分地跑到顧客跟前說(shuō)：當(dāng)然，馬上就會(huì)有的。我們上周訂了貨。然后經(jīng)理把店員拉到一邊：千萬(wàn)，千萬(wàn)，千萬(wàn)不要說(shuō)我們沒(méi)有什么，說(shuō)我們已經(jīng)訂了貨，貨馬上就到�，F(xiàn)在你說(shuō)她要買(mǎi)什么? 雨，店員說(shuō)。

　　智力缺陷

　　"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Bob asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied, "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." "Well, what sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' " Bob thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."

　　“醫(yī)生，你能不能告訴我，”鮑勃問(wèn)，“對(duì)于一個(gè)看上去很正常的人，你是怎樣判斷出他有智力缺陷的呢?”“再?zèng)]有比這容易的了，”醫(yī)生回答，“問(wèn)他一個(gè)簡(jiǎn)單的問(wèn)題，簡(jiǎn)單到所有人都知道答案，如果他回答得不干脆，那你就知道是怎么回事了。”“那要問(wèn)什么樣的問(wèn)題呢?”“嗯，你可以這樣問(wèn)，‘庫(kù)克船長(zhǎng)環(huán)球旅行了三次，但是在其中一次的途中他去世了，是哪一次呢?’”鮑勃想了一會(huì)兒，緊張的回答道，“你就不能問(wèn)另外一個(gè)問(wèn)題嗎?坦率地說(shuō)，我對(duì)歷史了解的不是很多。”

【詼諧幽默極品英語(yǔ)笑話】相關(guān)文章：

極品幽默小笑話段子09-20

極品哲理幽默笑話集錦09-24

精選極品幽默笑話大全06-16

極品段子幽默笑話大全11-24

幽默詼諧的笑話集錦10-01

爆笑詼諧英語(yǔ)笑話11-28

極品的幽默小笑話段子09-14

極品幽默的小笑話段子09-11

幽默小笑話大全極品集錦06-17

極品幽默十萬(wàn)個(gè)冷笑話05-24